There’s Nothing Like Morning Screaming

She woke up. Calmly asked to borrow my softball. I use that to loosen my muscles from time to time. She wanted to use it because her calves were bothering her. They were painful. Not sure how or why.

I was trying to help. Found the ball pretty quickly and handed it over to her. Few minutes later she was sitting on the kitchen floor. Trying to fix her lower back. Or something else? I don’t know.

The Boss suggested if her back is that painful, maybe she is better off staying at home today. No need to push through a long school day.

Apparently this is a trigger now, too. Feels like pretty much anything else. “Shut up!” and “Get out of my fucking face!” Despite neither of us moved an inch, still standing pretty far from her. Then she stood up and went upstairs.

There is nothing like hearing “Shut up!” screamed at and a loud “fuck” before 8AM. Definitely sets the tone for the rest of the day. I haven’t learned how to ignore it yet. Probably never will. My father used to scream worse. And he was louder. That all comes back now before 8AM. Pretty much every single day. Slowly I think these words are becoming my trigger.

Trigger. Hmm… I hate this word. Especially as everything seems to be a potential trigger for her. We know a few ones which are always a trigger. But beyond that: we just never know. Pretty much anything can be blamed a trigger. At any time. That is tiring…