Since the hospitalization, our life has changed.
Not only have flashbacks to those few horrible days, starting with driving to the ER, but also some rollercoaster type of mood swings occurring often enough to now being on high alert 24/7 has pretty much burnt into my mind.
It is good to be alert.
It is OK, to stay on high alert temporarily.
Being on high alert 24/7 is NOK. It is tiring. Exhausting more accurately. And really not sustainable.
Any kind of family vacation planning is completely out of the question. Where do you want to travel stressed out about the unknown moment when another low point might come?
Life is more like a rollercoaster ride, but the one that runs in a dark tunnel. Where you don’t see when a turn or twist might come.
You only know that you had a quiet stretch where you could have let your guard down, when the next moment hits you. So only after it ended. That is not very helpful.
The bad moments of course you will recognize. It usually hits you from nowhere, except since you are on full alert, in a weird way you might feel thankful that finally it happened, so all that effort of being on full alert was not completely wasteful. I know, it is messed up.
How do you keep a family normal?
How do you keep things going?
How do you stay focused on your other responsibilities?
How do you keep up at work?
How do you keep it all together?
I don’t know yet. But better figure it out sooner than later.