Guess What: Fake It Till You (Don’t) Make It

It all started with a cheerful text that afternoon: “GUESS WHAT!”
It was great news. Only to come home a bit later with cried out eyes. I was told that was after a meltdown.

Later that night, tried to talk to her in her room. Mainly I went in just to be there to listen. At some point she asked:
“What would you do if I would die?”
“We would be very sad. We don’t want that to happen.” I said.
“Well, at least that’s reassuring.” she said at a strangely calm voice. The word scary probably better describes that voice.

Later she ended up chatting with her therapist. I know because right after that chat the therapist called me. With a calm but reassuring voice the therapist explained that we should go to the ER. So we did. Spent the night there and most of next day.

As we were sitting in that “prison cell”-like room, I was wondering what happened. Still haven’t really processed that we just went from a very upbeat, excited person riding the momentum of months of slow, but steady improvement to someone completely fallen apart to the point of having thoughts of self harm.

In a matter of a few short hours.

Did she fake all the improvement? For months? Hard to believe. But if she did, how did we miss it? And if she didn’t, then again: what happened?

Crickets…